Together Again by Patric Arnold Novemeber 19, 2010 3:50 PM

Then two years to the date, February 17th, 1997 I got a phone call. And it began. Again......

Together Again

The phone rang. It was her. I was flabbergasted and honestly did not even know what to say. I had dreamed, hoped and prayed for this very moment so many times. I was over whelmed with joy and fear. Joy because everything I had wanted, wanted with every fiber of my being had finally happened. Fear because I had woken up in cold sweats screaming her name. I had drank until I couldn't drink anymore. I drank until I realized that I could drink every drop of booze on the planet and it still wouldn't cure my ailment. And now she was back....

I should have ran. I should have hid under the covers or moved to Mexico. I should have changed my name and joined witness protection (from myself). But I loved her. Oh I still loved her so much. And so after two years just like that, we were back. And in a week I would be going down to see her for a short visit.

A short visit, it was not. This time I was going to do everything right that I had done wrong before. This time I was going to hold on tighter and love her  harder. And.... if we were married that would mean forever wouldn't it? So I drug my friend down to the store and I cashed in every cent I had (literally) and bought the most expensive diamond ring I could. 

Being the great romantic that you know this author to be... surely I proposed under the moonlight next to a gorgeous lake or maybe in a horse drawn carriage. Maybe I scattered rose pedals all over that led into a candle lit room with me at the end of the trail on one knee with a diamond in my hand. Surely that must be. No, the world's greatest romantic (at the time) had all his dreams come true and he couldn't stand it a moment more. So in a Taco Bell parking lot in a trash filled Station Wagon floor board I got down on one knee and asked. It was the farthest thing from romantic and even ten steps further from perfect, but somehow love made it just that.. perfect. 

She said yes and all the joy in the world was mine. All the pain I had felt was gone. Finally in this moment we would be together. Together forever.

We drove home happy as can be and often hand in hand. Sure that was dangerous but we were in love and she couldn't stop looking at her diamond that although was small seemed to light up the room. And for me finally destiny had smiled upon me and could be fulfilled.

And like any good magic trick the illusion stayed in tact for awhile. We were poor and struggled to make ends meet. Often a microwavable family sized meal lasted a week (one for both of us). But we were in love and nothing but that mattered. We went on walks, enjoyed sun sets, and did all the things young couples do. It was picture perfect. Too good to be true.... and it was.

Free Fall by Patric Arnold November 19, 2010 3:07 PM

Author's note: I debated wether or not to write this next chapter. For one parts of this story put me in a bad light. Secondly it's extremely personal and well it's a low point in my life. And while I don't like to think about that part, I've taken the journey this far so I will ride it out as any good author does. This has been an interesting ride. while this ride's end has been written for awhile, I guess writing about it lets me look back on the good times and learn from the bad.

FREE FALL

"Holding you, I held everything. For a moment, wasn't I a King? But if only I'd known.... how the king would fall. Hey who's to say? you know I might have changed it all. I could have missed the pain. But I'd have had to miss ... THE DANCE." Those song lyrics from Garth Brooks is how the last story, THE DANCE , ended and the words were never more true.


After the dance I went home. I sure didn't want to, but I had little choice. It had been the perfect time. If it was a movie we were right on cue for happy ending. If it was a fairy tale, the narrator just needed to say, "...and they lived happily ever after." But alas, this was real life. And fairy tales don't exist.


We continued to write and call each other after that. School had started again. And for awhile everything continued on. And somewhere along the lines it all went wrong. Just as quickly as the greatest romance of all time had started, it had ended. I don't know if it was over after the dance, but it was over. Though we went on lying. Throwing the L word out like it was a baseball, picking out future plans and all the while smiling. I guess it was so perfect (at one point) that neither of us wanted to let go and admit the truth. At the time it was baffling why this romance straight out of any novel was fading, but soon it would be clear.


She had been cheating. She had been for awhile and it wouldn't be the last time. In fact, it will play a pivotal role several times through out these stories. Always the same person. I guess we all have our kyrptonite and this was hers.


To be brutally honest about what comes next what I did was wrong. And I deserved every bit of the hell it brought upon me. While the flashing yellow caution light was flashing, I had tricked my self to be happy. I guess I must have known somewhere in the back of my mind that the walls of my world were crumbling.


For awhile I tried to ignore it. Tell myself it wasn't real. To say nothing was wrong. But it was all lies and despite the words not changing the way in which they were said was evident. The cold shoulder and the fact that it had been awhile since we had seen each other led me astray. I should have manned up and gotten out of the relationship, but there was a part of me that couldn't let go.There was a part of me that hoped it would all go back to how it was.


It was hard to see each other and even phone conversations had become weekly instead of daily. I was alone and growing more lonely everyday. In school while I had lots of acquaintances I had few friends. I refused to comply and compromise my morales and beliefs to fit into one group. I wouldn't pretend to be something I was not, I was the lone wolf that went his own way and did his own things. If others followed great, if not that was fine too. And while many groups accepted me, I fit in none. Usually, that was fine. But I had been so close to this girl and now less and less.


I was in my Junior year and when a group of nice fellow outcast Sophomores came along I joined up and we set off on many adventures together. I became close friends with many of them. We almost always ate together, were seen together between classes and often did things outside of class. And so when our school homecoming dance happened we all decided to go together (since my girl could not/would not make the trip). By now most of the groups had coupled up as so often happens in high school. It grew on me seeing all the love that these couples could share in person everyday. I wanted that, but respected my status. This is important to note so you know I wasn't looking for what happened next to happen.


We decided to make a day out of the event. Lunch,a hay ride, and then the dance. We never got on the hayride as our group planner managed to screw something up. So we walked around awhile and then visited one of our sick friends in the hospital. Then we went to a local Mexican restaurant , called the Blind Duck, and ate. It was here one of the group revealed a problem. This guy would be at the dance and he would harass her and she was afraid he would do something forceful and bad to her. She didn't want to deal with this drama and thought she shouldn't have to.She was deciding she wouldn't go. Being the nice guy hero I am and  the only other person without a date there I just smiled and said well just tell them your with me. We'll go together and hang out. Now, as bad as that sounds... I meant it harmlessly. I meant she would just say it and we would hang out as friends. She took it that way, but the group somehow had turned my innocent help into a date. I'm sure they had the best of intentions and for some reason I wasn't protesting. A part of me was looking forward to spending time with a girl that was here, in my town that I could see all the time.


Now I should have done the honest thing and been upfront with them both. But I was young and foolish. And my mind justified nothing had happened between the local girl and I and so there wasn't anything to tell. And besides I wouldn't hear from the other girl for several days, phone calls were sometimes weekly, sometimes less, but often longer. That in itself should have been a red flag.


So that night this girl and I danced and as magical as my last dance had been, this one was a dance from a Disney Fairy tale. Everything was flowing smoothly with us dancing. It felt like we were at a royal ball and the spot light was on us and everyone was watching and as our feet magically left the floor.. It felt so right. And when the dance was over I went home so confused.


I was torn between two girls I liked/loved/romanced over. Every time I would decide I would talk to the one I was set to break up with and all the feelings poured back in. In hindsight with the orginal girl I think it was more dreams of what had been. And soon I would come to realize just that.


The local girl and I were a hot couple and often I literally forgot everything around me. One day she was walking home from school, so I said I walked her. I never thought twice about it. Everything else in that moment was gone. It was just her and I. Halfway home my mom drove up and told me that I had promised to make up a test after school. I looked at my mom failing to understand her. It literally took me a few seconds to snap back into reality. And had my mom not forced me to go, I would have blown off everything to walk her home, as I had done so many other times.


She was in band and although I was not for some reason the band teacher liked me and often let me tag along on the things they did and occasionally I'd help out to keep things even. And while this is a different story, I was torn and I was severely miserable, I didn't like lying and I knew I was going to hurt someone I cared deeply for. So I decided that there was only one thing to do. Confess the truth to the local girl that while she and I were dating I had technically never broken up with my old girl friend. I went to the store that night and got a teddy bear and roses and I was ready to throw myself upon her mercy. I was set to do just that, but it was too late.I would find out something truly sick later on. She didn't mind that I had "cheated", she minded that someone (WRONGFULLY) had told her she looked like the other girl. So many times I wish I could have told her that was not the case, that it was only something so strong as what we felt that could have drove me away from the other. That on that day I was set to tell the truth and be hers. But, I would never get that chance.


So, miserable and devastated I did the only thing I could. I held on to my other girl tighter and tried to fix the things that were wrong. She came back up here for a dance and met the group (minus the local group) and my somewhat estranged friends were nice enough to her. And so we went on.


Things at time seemed to get better and we had even talked of getting married and I had even asked for her hand, but her parents had grown weary of her being in a serious relationships and somewhat rightfully they questioned how two people so young and full of dreams could make it. Though, I think no matter what they would have said no. They weren't ready to give up their daughter.


So now the relationship between her parents and l was strained. But we were bound and determined.


Until a cold day in February. I'm not sure if it was cold because of the temperature or what happened. February 17th was the exact day.I know it well because it was my birthday. That was the day my whole world crashed down. I was more in love then ever, but apparently the feeling wasn't fully returned. For you see while she had broken up with her boyfriend at camp, they had also been back together for quite a while. There was a report made on them getting hot and steamy out on a nearly deserted road near the local airport. The cops nicely knocked on the steamy windows. It seems as though it hadn't mattered much what I had done in the past. For she had been cheating on me from almost the beginning. Since a month after the dance and all the times I went to see her, she was lying and cheating . And that was that...Happy Birthday me.


I can't honestly say I didn't deserve it. I can't honestly say I didn't get what I deserved, maybe I did. But everything crashed down just the same. I felt remorse for what I did. She didn't seem to feel much remorse. Though later she would tell me she had tried to be loyal, but she just couldn't. She was too young and blah blah blah. And that would be the last time we talked for quite a while. I hung up turned around and smashed my hand through two inches of heavy duty display glass. It came crashing down and I was very lucky all I got was a scar on the bottom of my hand. I never let me emotions out like that again.


Things went downhill from here. I was depressed. And while a few times I managed to get my life somewhat level, her memory, the memory of us and all we had planned haunted me day and night. I finally took a hiatus from college which is just as well because by then I was mostly drinking and the studying took a back seat. Her memory haunted me. When I fell asleep I dreamed of her and when I was awake I thought of her. I tried hard to get over her. But I couldn't. I thought I'd go crazy. I secluded my self from life only occasionally giving myself some contact via the internet and sometimes my one local friend who tried very hard not to give up on me. In that moment the past was gone, the present wrecked and there was no way to move on into the future. I didn't know what to do.


Then two years to the date, February 17th, 1997 I got a phone call. And it began. Again......

The Dance by Patric Arnold on Saturday, February 27, 2010 at 1:17pm

 

The Dance

I must have been crazy to expect her to live next door, but I guess that's what I thought. Because it came as quite a shock as we discussed it in the moments before departing. And looking back I guess I was crazy, crazy in love. I had left the world I once knew and entered a new more private one. One only she and I had shared. For a few weeks I had it all. And now, it was gone.

While we were young lovers willing to knock down any and all walls that dared to stand in our way, we did not fool ourselves into thinking anything other than that long distance relationships rarely work. While we were set to defy all odds, we knew that we would have to work hard to keep love burning bright. Well, it was a strong burning torch, so maybe it was more that we would have to work hard to fnd a way to stay in contact. We wrote each other constantly. As soon as one letter came in another went out in reply. We also talked on the phone about once a day or every other day. I'm sure the phone bill must have been big on both ends, but truthfully I never thought about it. And had I thought about it honestly I wouldn't have cared. I'm not proud of that, but I was young, foolish and in love and I would have done anything for one more moment with her.

For some reason my parents were very supportive of this relationship. I'm not sure if it was for love, my happiness or because I would have done what I wanted anyways (and I was so in love I would have). But, they were at this time and I have often wondered since if they ever regretted that.

I'm not sure how this came about. Or for that matter I'm not sure what the hell either set of parents were thinking, but for a week she was allowed to come visit me. Knowing what I do now, this must have taken some arm twisting by my parents and the girl herself for her to be able to come. So we drove to get her and she came back for a week. One memory stands out more than any other. We often cuddled, very closely usually (often much to my parents' chagrin) and one night while we were cuddling close on the sofa that had become my bed, I thought to myself (and man I must have been in crazy love out of mind to have thought this) what if she didn't leave and go upstairs to my bedroom? And so that night we spent our first night together. Just laying together (clothed) all night. This needless to say didn't sit well with my parents and they blew a gasket. Though a day or so later they let it drop. But, to me anything that had happened would have been worth it. That night at the time was very special. To have spent the nght with the one I loved was priceless.

When her school's homecoming dance came, she invited me and my parents were excited and so we made the 8 or so hour drive (again). Her parents attitude was more tolerant than anything, but we hadn't seen each other in a while and we were just happy to be together. So after everyone had taken their photos of us I took her out to a nice diner and we went to the dance. And we danced. In my head I think no one else was there. In my head I think we were dancing in the moonlight all alone.

All that was left was for the credits to play and the most famous words in the world to appear, "THE END". Then it could have been happily ever after and that moment would last forever. But, this was no movie. This was reality. And I was in for a reality check.

And to paraphrase a great Country Musician Garth Brooks, holding her I held everything and for a moment wasn't I the King? If only I knew....

Summer Love by Patric Arnold on Friday, February 26, 2010 at 11:04pm

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Every good story needs a beginning. In the story A Love Blissed Snowy Day I introduced a girl. I gave no real background or introduction to her. This was done partly because it was unimportant to the overall story and partly to save space/time. But as stories often do this one took a twist and this girl became the story. This story is set up to introduce you to her. But will it answer your questions or leave you with more?

SUMMER LOVE

Through life many paths are taken to find the one that leads to who we are. This summer was my pursuit of culture and art. I had always been interested and dabbled but never fully emerged myself, that was about to change. It turned out I was not the only one with a pursuit of culture. Jo-Anne Simpson (one of my favorite artist) and Laura Deming (who I later became related to briefly), who was a a cellist and member of the orchestra of Lyric Opera of Chicago, created an Opera Group called Pine Mountain Music Festival. Our small town was growing and they took over the cultural education. Both liked me an offered me a job as a Production Assistant. Musical students from all over came this summer (and many after) for the chance to preform with greats like Bergonzi String Quartet of Miami, FL.

I was not doing nothing this particular summer and I smelled adventure and opportunity so I jumped at the chance to go. I had been to Michigan Tech in Houghton many times before and felt quite comfortable going back again. I have seen many beautiful places and things, but few compare to the Houghton and Copper Country Area. The land is gorgeous. Lakes, green grasslands, flowers and the very best nature has to offer.

I'm not sure what I was doing this particular day, but I was walking back from the theater building and was in a hurry to get somewhere. Suddenly I stopped. There she sat on a picnic table reading a book. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, and it wasn't all external. Somehow...someway I saw into her. The next moments were straight from any romantic movie. The world around me stood still. In my head I heard music, or it could be that I was surrounded by musicians and one of them was playing. But the romantic in me says the music was in my head. And in that moment I knew. I knew everything. I knew this girl would change my life. I knew that with her I would experience love as I never had. I knew we would be together. And finally I knew my world was about to change forever.

I wasn't nervous. I wasn't shy. I was cool and confident. I had no reason not to be. I knew down somewhere deep this had been predestined. I spoke to her and though she tried not to fully show it, I could tell somehow she knew too. This moment was a defining moment in my life. When I preceded down this path my life was never the same (but that is a later story).

She had a boyfriend who she was on the outs with and she immediately broke up with him. The next day we were bused to a tented dinner with the President of Michigan Tech. We rode on the bus together and talked and the instant bond of yesterday was now sealed. Our conversation flowed like we had known each other forever. Everything was so natural and for the next weeks of the program whenever possible we were inseperable.

The next day after we were done with official duties of the program, free time was granted. That night's activity was to go to the local mall and do some shopping and then to see a movie. She bought me a Guardian Angel to watch over me and then we saw one of the Batman movies. I'd like to tell you which but after the hand holding... well I'm not one to kiss and tell. OOPS!

And that was that. We watched fireworks on the fourth of July as we held each other, we took walks, colored coloring books and stayed up til dawn to see the sunrise. Then a funny thing happened. It was time to leave.

We were so in love we had never considered not being together. We never bothered to ask where the other one lived. It seems silly I'm sure. But we were so in love that we were trapped in our own little world and we had forgotten about reality. And though we lived in the same state, she lived in lower Michigan and I in Upper. For those who don't know that's about 8 hours away and for us it might as well have been a galaxy...

And though I would find many reasons to return to summer programs at Michigan Tech (even one or two with the same group) I was never able to capture the magic of that summer.

A Love Blissed Snowy Day by Patric Arnold on Friday, February 26, 2010 at 4:40pm

I was young. I was foolish. I was in love. To most it was a day like any other and most likely they were grumbling about the upcoming snow storm. For me, I was with the girl I loved and it was what was to be the first day of the rest of my life.

In reality, it had been a pretty rough day. For several months I had been living in a upscale condo in East Grand Rapids that the girl I was engaged to (or whatever the hip term is for a girl you are going to marry is) parents had been paying for. Of course, they did not know I was living there. Despite my future bride's excitement of such a glorious day when we could live together and experience all the happiness life could offer, she knew down deep that her parents would not and could not sanction her marrying so young. She knew they would be the dark storm clouds that rolled in as the hard rain was about to pour. She knew there lectures would be the grand thunder and lightening during a horrible storm.

But she knew she had to tell them and she did. Their reaction was predictable. The asked her to do the one thing no parent ever should... to choose between two loves. In her mind at that moment there was no choice. She was deeply, madly and passionately in love with me and that was all there was to it. So to no one's surprise we were kicked to the curb and her parents were just short of disowning her.

Young, foolish and in love. we loaded everything we could fit into the station wagon that we had and we headed off to our new life. For me I was going home. I knew I had no other real options other that to come back, but I also somehow knew it was a fatal error. It must be somewhat like walking into an ambush where you know going forward is certain death but you've come too far to turn back.

But, on this day, that thought was a small tiny blinking light that I ignored. I was in love and be damned to anything that stood in my way. I was going to defy all odds and over come any and all obstacles. She drove and for awhile we talked. Then I drifted off to some good music on the radio.

Suddenly I was jolted from my peaceful sleep. We were spinning and traffic was heavy. And for a second, and a second only....I thought it was the end. And I was okay with that. I would die with the one I loved. Then I thought I can't let the one I love die. Not that I had any control over it. We had hit a spot of black ice (for those in none snow places.... it's like Ice that you can't see and VERY slippery). We spun and just like a NASCAR crash people whizzed by us on both sides while we were powerless to do anything but spin.

Fortunately (well more so than death), we landed in a ditch. POP! Oh damn a tire went flat. Well, okay we have a spare. POP! A second tire went flat. @#@*! POP! The third tire went flat and you guessed it ....POP! The fourth tire went flat. It was below zero out and we were sitting in a car on a highway far away from the nearest town with four damn flat tires. We were just starting out together so we had little money. Maybe we would have had enough money for one tire, but FOUR? Really? REALLY?

Looking back on the memory , maybe it was a sign of things to come. But despite just about all the crud that could be thrown at us being piled up on us, we still smiled because we were in love. We didn't have a clue what to do. This was before everyone had cellphones and all the traffic that had been coming had thinned out. We didn't want to leave one person alone and we both couldn't try to make it back to the nearest town because we had all our possessions and the cat in the car.

And even if we did find help, and even if we did get towed, what the blue blazes would we do? We didn't have enough money for four new tires? Who the heck thinks four tires are going to blow?

So after a cop happened to drive by and call a tow truck and after we had been towed back, I did the only thing I could. Only love could have made me do this. I picked up the phone and called my parents. I swallowed that pride and it was a hard pill to swallow.

At just under 20, I was young and rebellious. I knew everything and I let nothing stand in my way, so naturally the relationship with my parents had been strained and when I went to East Grand Rapids I hardly spoke to them and our relationship was all but non-existent. Even to this day I think my parents harbor a grudge about this and things have never quite been the same.

So to pick up that phone and have to call and then ask for money to people I spoke to maybe twice in 6 months was tough and painful. But I had no choice. Her parents sure in the hell weren't going to give us a damn thing, much less money. I did it and to my surprise my parents said no. At the time this shocked the living hell out of me. I mean our relationship was strained, but in the end wasn't I still there son? Didn't they still love me? Didn't the know I was stranded with no way out?

I pleaded and only after agreeing to pay back every cent with money down when I saw them (keep in mind we are just starting out, poor and now jobless)they said they would help. Having no choice I agreed. And the next day we were back on the road headed home. All I could think of was the love I was in and I didn't care about yesterday, the debt I was now in or the hardship that our parents would slam on us. No, I was in love and even though it was snowing, it was a beautiful sun shinning day in my world.

And that was a love blissed snowy day that was the beginning of the end....

Written about a snowy day in 1997.